Mother's Day 2020
"I'm having a nostalgic feeling for this right now... Being miserably hot and uncomfortable in the car with the windows down and the music up loud. I don't know what memory though. I just remember this feeling."
My brother said this to me a couple months ago when we were on the way home from Florida. The fan in my car wasn't working so we had the windows rolled down and roughly 350 miles of I-95 ahead of us.
The other day I was in the car with my mom and I told her about what he'd said and we laughed about it. We three share that nostalgic feeling because we were all there together. We may not remember a certain memory but there was a time in our lives when the A/C in our car didn't work and every time we had to go somewhere it felt like it was 100 degrees.
I think about that time in our lives while I drive and when the song Dig by Incubus comes on I tell her it's one of my favorites and turn it up.
I sit there and listen to the lyrics and think about all the things my mom has done for us. How I can never repay her and that she would never even ask that of me.
I think of all the love and support she's given me and all of the things she's taught me that I can't even try to number or fully understand yet myself.
All the misunderstandings we've had, all the times I said things I still wish I hadn't because she didn't deserve that and she was only doing the best she could with what she had.
I think of how she loved me when I hated everything.
I think about how she never gave up on me.
About how throughout all our time together somehow she still digs me...
"We all have a weakness
Some of ours are easier to identify, look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness we'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes, you are my friend..."
I envy her patience. I don't know how she's done it all these years. It terrifies me to think that one day when I have kids I won't be able to be half as gracious as she is. She just gives and gives and I tell her she doesn't have to, she can save some for herself and she says she knows... But she only ever takes the tiniest bit. I wish she could see what I see. I wish I could somehow give her back all the goodness she's given out over the years. But I can hear her saying now, "What else was I supposed to do?"
"...We all have something that digs at us
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone..."
I'm struck with how little time we have and of all the things that I still need to learn.
I think about how no matter how far away the day may be, every day we get older we grow closer to the day when I no longer live in my mother's home.
I realize as I'm driving home from the grocery store with her that these are all the moments we have, however mundane we may think they are. These are the only moments we get.
When you think of it like that it makes you want to hold on to every moment and never let it go. When you think of the time you have left you may want to make it as special as possible and sometimes you can, sometimes you can't.
Sometimes the most memorable moments aren't certain memories but certain times.
Whether it was a time in your life when your car had no A/C or a when you were young and your mom could fix any broken thing you took to her whether it was your toy doll or your heart.
"...We all have a sickness that cleverly attaches and multiplies no matter how we try
We all have someone that digs at us
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine..."
Driving with her that day and listening to that song, I started to get a nostalgic feeling for these moments we're having right now and I know one day I'll get it again. Maybe not the next time I hear that song or drive down that road with the windows down but I'm sure one day I'll get that feeling again.
I'll get a smile on my face that I won't really be able to explain or stop from happening.
Maybe I'll remember and maybe I won't but that'll be the best part. When you get that nostalgic feeling for something you can't quite remember and truthfully you don't even want to. It'll be good enough to know that one day, once upon a time you made that memory and time was kind enough to send that feeling back to you.
"...If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone."
Happy Mother's day Pal. I dig you.
My brother said this to me a couple months ago when we were on the way home from Florida. The fan in my car wasn't working so we had the windows rolled down and roughly 350 miles of I-95 ahead of us.
The other day I was in the car with my mom and I told her about what he'd said and we laughed about it. We three share that nostalgic feeling because we were all there together. We may not remember a certain memory but there was a time in our lives when the A/C in our car didn't work and every time we had to go somewhere it felt like it was 100 degrees.
I think about that time in our lives while I drive and when the song Dig by Incubus comes on I tell her it's one of my favorites and turn it up.
I sit there and listen to the lyrics and think about all the things my mom has done for us. How I can never repay her and that she would never even ask that of me.
I think of all the love and support she's given me and all of the things she's taught me that I can't even try to number or fully understand yet myself.
All the misunderstandings we've had, all the times I said things I still wish I hadn't because she didn't deserve that and she was only doing the best she could with what she had.
I think of how she loved me when I hated everything.
I think about how she never gave up on me.
About how throughout all our time together somehow she still digs me...
"We all have a weakness
Some of ours are easier to identify, look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness we'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes, you are my friend..."
I envy her patience. I don't know how she's done it all these years. It terrifies me to think that one day when I have kids I won't be able to be half as gracious as she is. She just gives and gives and I tell her she doesn't have to, she can save some for herself and she says she knows... But she only ever takes the tiniest bit. I wish she could see what I see. I wish I could somehow give her back all the goodness she's given out over the years. But I can hear her saying now, "What else was I supposed to do?"
"...We all have something that digs at us
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone..."
I'm struck with how little time we have and of all the things that I still need to learn.
I think about how no matter how far away the day may be, every day we get older we grow closer to the day when I no longer live in my mother's home.
I realize as I'm driving home from the grocery store with her that these are all the moments we have, however mundane we may think they are. These are the only moments we get.
When you think of it like that it makes you want to hold on to every moment and never let it go. When you think of the time you have left you may want to make it as special as possible and sometimes you can, sometimes you can't.
Sometimes the most memorable moments aren't certain memories but certain times.
Whether it was a time in your life when your car had no A/C or a when you were young and your mom could fix any broken thing you took to her whether it was your toy doll or your heart.
"...We all have a sickness that cleverly attaches and multiplies no matter how we try
We all have someone that digs at us
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine..."
Driving with her that day and listening to that song, I started to get a nostalgic feeling for these moments we're having right now and I know one day I'll get it again. Maybe not the next time I hear that song or drive down that road with the windows down but I'm sure one day I'll get that feeling again.
I'll get a smile on my face that I won't really be able to explain or stop from happening.
Maybe I'll remember and maybe I won't but that'll be the best part. When you get that nostalgic feeling for something you can't quite remember and truthfully you don't even want to. It'll be good enough to know that one day, once upon a time you made that memory and time was kind enough to send that feeling back to you.
"...If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone."
Happy Mother's day Pal. I dig you.
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