The Truth We Hold

"I know you're tired but come, this is the way..." 
-Rumi





I'm not sure how I got here or where I'm going but I know I have to keep walking with the ocean to my left and the rocks and caves to my right.
My shadow follows behind me but it's not attached to me. It seems resistant and unhappy to be going where I'm taking us.
The caves to my right are vast and beautiful. I can see the ocean at the end of some and others seem to travel back forever and some end right where they begin.
The ocean is calm and gray and I want to stop and rest in it but I know I must keep going.
I don't know where I'm headed but I'm certain that if I keep going I'll end up where I need to be eventually.
After a while I come to a cave that's filled with birds. The cave is larger than the rest and it seems to go on forever, reaching up into the heavens. The birds roost all around the cave on rocks and ledges and some walk along the ground. They range in color from bright and showy to dull and plain. They don't make any noise and it's almost as if they're waiting for something to happen.
At the mouth of the cave is a Seer.
She's short and small, dressed in tattered black robes. Her hair is white, long and stringy, she wears big round black sunglasses and she leans against a piece of gnarled driftwood as a walking stick.
I walk over to her and am prepared to ask her my question about what lies before me, but before I can get my question from my mind to my lips she turns to me and says:
 "You already know your path."
The way she says it is final. There is nothing left to say and she won't waste time talking it over. She was so sure of what she said I dared not ask her any questions so when she turned away from me I didn't argue, I simply turned and went my own way.
I kept walking down the beach, knowing when I came to the place I was supposed to be I would know.



This is a dream I had about a year ago now. I think about it often and wonder if I'm missing the point or if I'm just finally starting to understand it.


I never want anyone to tell me what to do but I always want someone to tell me if what I'm doing is right.
The reality is that no one can.
Well, I guess they could and I could listen to them but then I would be living their life and not mine.
No matter how much making the wrong choice scares me I'm starting to learn that's not even really possible or true. There is no wrong or right or black and white, there is only what is right now and what you make there to be in the future.
The only thing that's real is if you do the thing or you don't.
 It's simple really.
There is what is and what isn't and you choosing to continue in what isn't is making you less than you could be.

Most of the time I ignore what I know to be true because I'm afraid I'm going to be wrong.
 I play the fool in case what I want or think isn't really "right".
 I don't know much but there are some things I do know and sometimes I lack the confidence to tell people of the truth that I hold. The only wrong thing to do is to not do what you know you need to do.

At this point I feel like not knowing who I am or what I want to do is my selling point, It's kinda my thing...

But I do know. I know pieces and parts of who I am and who I want to be, I catch little glimpses and I hold on to them as tight as I can because in those moments of knowing I feel like I can breathe again.
Then the part of me that doubts comes back to the surface and I lose it and have to start all over again.


I've always known way deep down who I was. I was just loath to take hold of it in case I was a failure.
I read somewhere that mistakes are just lessons and failure isn't real... Until you keep choosing to make the same mistakes because it's easier or more comfortable to stay where you are. Never moving, never growing.
Sometimes I struggle to find the lesson in the mistake so I  keep making the same mistakes and the universe just keeps bringing the lesson back around for me until I get it, which thankfully I eventually do.

Most days I'm just trying to find what makes me feel more like a person than a maniac.



Everything comes and goes in cycles. All we have to do is pay attention to what's coming and reach out to take it.

I know I'll figure it out.
You don't have to tell me twice!
Or maybe you do... But one of these day's I'll get it.