The Grey
I've struggled with what was right and wrong inside myself a lot. Not just in a moral sense of "I shouldn't steal this" and "I should help this old woman with the door" but in the sense of what was right and wrong for me in my own life. I used to live in fear of doing the wrong thing and messing up my life beyond repair but then I guess I gave into the better way of thinking everything happens for a reason.
I've lived like there was only 2 ways things could go. The path of light and goodness or the path of darkness and things that would always be less than. I don't think I do this as much as I used to but there is still a part of me that sometimes when things are bad I think the only way I can go is to spiral down even lower. I feel stuck in that way of thinking for several days and then it's like without my noticing I feel good about life again. Like it just sneaks up on me and then I start thinking about how ridiculous I was being. Even though in that moment of darkness I felt totally lost. Some days I truly wonder if I'll ever find balance and others I think I might actually know what I'm doing and then other days still, I feel like I know enough to get me through the next rough patch but I seem to forget that when it actually comes around.
I used to wonder how I made it this far but now I know it's because I keep myself always moving back and forth between dark and light and never let myself stay stuck on either side for very long. That makes me think I must know at least something about balance, that some part of me must know the importance of living in between, in the grey.
I wonder how people can say there is only black and white to life. A good side and a bad side. Right and wrong. What I think is good may be bad for you and vice versa. I wonder how we even feel justified to judge people by their life choices. Things like smoking cigarettes or who we choose to love or even the smallest things like how we dress or cut our hair or if we get tattoos. I mean really, who are we to judge someones life by our standards of good and bad, black and white? I think there are so many colors we could paint our lives with. Why should we be stuck with only two of them?
I hope I can continue learning how to live in the balance of my own darkness and light, in whats right and wrong for me. I hope that I can take what living in the grey taught me into the rest of my life and learn to color with better colors and choices and not be afraid to color outside the lines.
I hope that we can all learn to accept and love what others choose to paint their lives with too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITe3Jh-cBhM
I've lived like there was only 2 ways things could go. The path of light and goodness or the path of darkness and things that would always be less than. I don't think I do this as much as I used to but there is still a part of me that sometimes when things are bad I think the only way I can go is to spiral down even lower. I feel stuck in that way of thinking for several days and then it's like without my noticing I feel good about life again. Like it just sneaks up on me and then I start thinking about how ridiculous I was being. Even though in that moment of darkness I felt totally lost. Some days I truly wonder if I'll ever find balance and others I think I might actually know what I'm doing and then other days still, I feel like I know enough to get me through the next rough patch but I seem to forget that when it actually comes around.
I used to wonder how I made it this far but now I know it's because I keep myself always moving back and forth between dark and light and never let myself stay stuck on either side for very long. That makes me think I must know at least something about balance, that some part of me must know the importance of living in between, in the grey.
I wonder how people can say there is only black and white to life. A good side and a bad side. Right and wrong. What I think is good may be bad for you and vice versa. I wonder how we even feel justified to judge people by their life choices. Things like smoking cigarettes or who we choose to love or even the smallest things like how we dress or cut our hair or if we get tattoos. I mean really, who are we to judge someones life by our standards of good and bad, black and white? I think there are so many colors we could paint our lives with. Why should we be stuck with only two of them?
I hope I can continue learning how to live in the balance of my own darkness and light, in whats right and wrong for me. I hope that I can take what living in the grey taught me into the rest of my life and learn to color with better colors and choices and not be afraid to color outside the lines.
I hope that we can all learn to accept and love what others choose to paint their lives with too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITe3Jh-cBhM
That is a very admirable and respectable outlook on morality. You're doing amazing work keep it up. It sorta reminds me about the Ying Yang ideology. With the equal parts of good and bad, as well as the good within the bad and bad within the good. Again great work!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I appreciate it! (:
DeleteThere are lines??🤔
ReplyDeleteThere is so much more than black or white or gray. Learn to "paint with all the colors of the wind." You're doing great!