The Lacuna

Lacuna - an unfilled space or interval; a gap

I guess I've been searching for something in the gap. Something where there was nothing, something to hold on to that would lead me to where I needed to go. I felt like I'd been stumbling around in the darkness grasping to hold onto something that made sense, something I could trust to get me out of the place I no longer wanted to be and never finding anything worthy of holding onto. I screamed out into the emptiness "What should I believe in?" and only ever heard the echo of my own voice coming back to me as an answer. I  looked for things to fill me but  I only created more emptiness. Only when I felt completely alone did the answers come to me slowly and I understood they came when I shut my mouth and opened my ears to all that was around me. When I simply sat in the emptiness and let all that I am fill it. When I learned the art of observing instead of reacting. When I remembered how to breathe and listen to what was happening inside of myself and out.  There were suddenly many things in the gap I could learn from and all I had to do was be still and listen.
This is what the lacuna means to me. A void in which I thought I was lost in when all I really needed was to listen to the teacher inside of myself and realize I never needed a way out. I was always right where I needed to be.
So, welcome. I don't have a plan for this and I don't know what I'm going to write about exactly but I'm sure it will be sporadic and messy. I won't pretend to be anything but what I am and sometimes I feel very far from the person I want to be but I know I'm well on my way and happy to share my journey.
I don't believe you can learn from other people's mistakes but I do believe that we can hear each other's stories and understand a little more about life. There are teachers all around us if only we would stop to listen.